I wear a lot of different hats right now. I’m a mom to Taylor. A daughter to my parents. An administrative assistant to Visible Grace. A nanny to two children. A team leader to my church. A blogger (who isn’t, right?). A friend, a neighbor, a volunteer, an amateur cook to my husband and a subscriber to Real Simple.
When I’m organized, my life is a well-oiled machine. You know how it goes. Scheduled appointments. Routines. To do lists. Etc. But lately, I’ve been dropping the ball in almost every area of my life. I’m juggling some new responsibilities, tying up some legal loose ends (I didn’t do it), nursing a toothache, and standing in the face of a big change. I’m behind in work emails, my house is a disaster and Taylor is out of clean pajamas.
I feel really guilty and am convinced if I’m a Good Employee and a Good House Wife and a Good Mom that I’ll feel better about myself. I feel tempted to earn my spot.
This morning, my eyes quickly scanned the psalms, as I searched for a verse to feel connected to. I wanted something to soothe me, like salve on burned skin. I didn’t find that, but I loved this verse in Psalm 109:
“For he stands beside the needy, ready to save them from those who condemn them.”
It reminded me that I follow the God who loves the needy. Needy people rarely have something to offer back. God loves me and I do not have to prove myself to him, earn my spot or perform. I’m repenting of religious tendencies this morning and basking in his grace and unconditional love. But also, I’m going to make a to do list, start the laundry, return a few calls and play with my son uninterrupted. I’m searching for the balance of being responsible in the roles God has placed me in and living in his grace, making room for my own mistakes and not finding my identity anywhere else besides in the God who stands with the needy.